I got a Traffic Police Teddy & Grampy became a shellfish

Nanny and Grampy Partridge came round for Sunday lunch. Yummy! Roast chicken, roast potatoes, carrots, sprouts – in fact ‘all the trimmings’…whatever that means. Honestly, you can’t believe how good it is to eat proper food after all that fruit-based stuff! Anyway, Nanny and Grampy brought me a cuddly teddy… lovely. That’s a total of nine now. Thinking of starting a bear sanctuary. Actually, the one they bought me was kind of cool. It’s a Traffic Police Teddy from Hamleys, very smart, and much cuddlier looking than the hobby-bobby who walks down our street and scowls into my pushchair from time to time. Don’t know what for.  I mean, it’s a big pushchair but it’s nowhere near big enough to harbour criminals in or conceal stolen ‘DVDVDVDs’. What does he want?  Anyway, when the aged grandparents handed Teddy over, I made the appropriate noises and cuddled him a bit so Nanny and Grampy looked happy.  Nanny cooed like a polyester clad pigeon and Grandpa kept smiling at me in a sweet, sad kind of way, stroking his beard. I guess he was a baby once… blooming long time ago though!  Yet again, I found myself struggling with this talking business. Mummy said “Who’s this?” pointing at Grampy… bit of an obvious question, I mean who did she think I thought it was? Father Christmas? Havig said that…easy mistake to make. Big beard, big tummy, red nose. Turns up once a year. Howvwe, I’m not stupid so I tried to say “It’s Grampy” but it came out as “Scampi.” Oh, how they laughed. Idiots! You try talking with no teeth and a mouthful of finely diced carrot! Haven’t they heard of education by encouragement? Mind you, in general they’re hardly what stand-ups would call ‘a difficult room’ I only have to burp these days and it’s like Tommy Cooper just walked in and did a set.