Shopping In Another Country

Mummy and I went to a far off mystical and mysterious place today to do some shopping, which was not Crouchers Green. In fact, this place is so alien; it is actually located in the heart of the far North, North London, called East Totmonton. The place itself is an independent country, called Poundland. It must be a bit like the Vatican in Italy, as it is surrounded by another country but totally independent, and is self-sufficient in plastic storage boxes, crisps and cheap pop. They must have declared independence to avoid tax because they can sell four non-branded batteries for under £2! In fact, their total national industry is selling stuff for a pound that looks like the real thing but isn’t. We didn’t have to show a passport, which did surprise me, but a very fierce looking border guard, in black trousers, a blue shirt with SECURITY written on it and a walkie-talkie, gave us the once over as we walked in and scrutinised our hand luggage very carefully. I wasn’t carrying much, just my Rupert the Bear who looked long and hard at the guard’s shoes and muttered something about ‘cheap and nasty’, nearly getting us thrown out of the country on our first visit. The gross national product of Poundland is, basically, low-priced baked beans, plastic cutlery and CDs of minor hits by the Beach Boys, sung by a small girls’ choir in Rumania. Mummy said she was just there to get cereal ‘cos they did big boxes of Sugyrice, FrostyPuffs, Wheatycorns and so on for 99p… which is even less than a pound. I wonder if there is a 99p shop where everything goes for 98p and so on. Hmm. Must find out. Anyway, mummy also bought some cheap chocolate bars and crisps… hooray… ‘cos she couldn’t resist. I looked around in vain for the King and Queen of Poundland, but they must have been on a state visit… maybe to Iceland next door. When we went back through passport control it was touch and go that they would let us out of the country as Mummy was 3p short but eventually she found some coins at the bottom of her bag so it was ok. I’m not sure if I liked Poundland. The scenery was OK if you like cut-price olives but to be honest, there wasn’t much to do and the people were not all that friendly… it’s a bit like France.

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