Giant Prams Are Go! HELP!

Have you ever noticed that prams and pushchairs are getting bigger. It’s almost as if the Victorians are making a comeback. Prams in the eighteen nineties were great big things, cantilevered and seemingly designed by Mr Isembard Kingdom Brunel out of riveted steel, as comfortable pulling carriages full of iron ingots as taking baby for a walk in the park. Then along came Mr Mclaren with his brilliant baby-buggy idea. Vis-à-vis, let’s not have babies and toddlers being carted around in vehicles the size of chieftain tanks but put them in something appropriate and neat, and foldable if possible so we can give each other space, get up stairs, not knock over other people’s small children, take the skin off pedestrians shins, all go camping and so on. But now… what has happened? We’ve gone backwards! The prams are on the march again. They’ve got bigger. It seems in Crouchers Green a giant pram again is a status symbol and the Scrummy Mummies are out in force, pushing vehicles that should by rights require an HGV licence. I saw a pram the other day that filled the whole aisle of a shop; it was like a flatbed truck with a small cargo of twins and a Steiff Classic Teddy Bear taking up about half of the space. The rest of the space was empty. Did she put her shopping in it like Andy Capp’s wife would have done? Was it full of bricks like in all those Second World War photographs? Of course not. She had a whole range of expensive ‘I care About the Earth’ type bags to carry her celeriac and Peruvian asparagus like all her species do. Then why? Why have a pram that makes your children look like they are starring in ‘Honey I Shrunk The Kids’? Easy! For the same reason people knock through Victorian walls and extend kitchens and convert warehouses into stadium sized flats… if you got space, you got status! In your house, in your ‘ why do you need that in town exactly?’ four by four, now even in your pram! Crouchers Green is becoming a huge Land Rover, Lexus and giant pram owners gala with pushchairs  the size of small counties blocking out the light, knocking people off their bicycles and making potholes in the pavements. It’s madness. Bring back the baby-buggy! I have spoken.

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